Category Archives: Nursing Home

New Blog Feature: Articles and Essays

Death Awareness & Education

Death Awareness & Education

Check out the new feature called Articles & Essays. I’m posting my articles and essays for readers who want to read them online or download them.

Try it out and let me know what you think!

Peace and blessings!
Rev. Ch. Harold

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Remember that talk you wanted to have with the family?

The Choices of a Lifetime: Awareness and Education about Options

An Important Essay by Rev. Chaplain Harold W. Vadney B.A., [M.A.], M.Div., Principal Facilitator, Thanatology Café

Have that talk soon.

Have that talk soon.

I’ve always had this fear, this anxiety that seems to swell up at times and I feel an icy cold deep within me. Sometimes I have to jump out of bed only to find that my legs can hardly carry me. I’m terrified. Am I dying? There’s something about the dark, about night, the quiet that allows this though to take me down in a strangle hold. It shouts deafeningly silently in my ears but with the first hint of daylight, it vanishes as abruptly as it appeared.

After discussing these occurrences with my spiritual guide, he suggested that I was not experiencing an existential crisis, that I’m not in a state of death anxiety or fear of death episode but that I had other concerns. I’ve reflected on that suggestion and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not the dying that I fear most, it’s my dignity, my autonomy, the control over my final moments. If I were to be found in a coma or dead in my bed, or if I lapsed into a persistent vegetative state, Who would make my decisions for me? Who would decide what were to become of me while still living or when I’m dead? Who would know what I would want? What would I choose? It’s the fear of not being able to chose for myself that makes me panic. [Anonymous]

Those of us in the helping professions see this situation all too often and never cease to be amazed rarely people and healthcare professionals talk about what could be  the most important subjects in our lives: death, dying and our options for pre-death and post-death care. One of the reasons why the general population avoids the discussion is because it’s uncomfortable and creates anxiety, raises primeval fears, and disrupts our principal coping mechanism: denial. Physicians and healthcare providers don’t like the subject because any death represents a blow to their egos, a failure.

But a thanatologist’s, I’m going to take the risk of dissolving hope, creating anxiety, and shredding the veil of denial. Playing the ostrich and plunging our heads into the sand won’t hold death or dying or the important decisions associated with transition and bereavement in abeyance or make them go away. You have to have the guts to face these realities, to discuss them, and to take the bull by the horns and make some decisions for your own sake and for the sake of your survivors. The talk about pre- and post-death options, the realities, the myths, the rituals and the resources cannot be postponed until someone pulls a sheet over your head. Our ability to embrace life fully is not contingent on our efforts deny death, because when we take that we do ourselves a disservice and our families an injustice. We discuss, negotiate, plan and execute options in other areas of life so why not acknowledge the end-of-life options?

To read, print or download the entire essay, please click this link: Choices of a Lifetime-Essay

Share Your Choices and Options with your Family

Share Your Choices and Options with your Family

Wounded Helpers: A conversation about death.

Thanatology Café will meet on Saturday, April 9, 2016, at 2:00 p.m. at the RCS Community Library, 95 Main Street, Ravena, New York.


The experience of a death brings with it a host of emotions including anxiety, loss, sadness, depression, and anger, and many more. You need to talk to someone about these experiences but it has to be someone who is nonjudgmental, who knows how to listen, who has had similar experience and wants to share your pain. We call that person a wounded helper.

heart to heart


When my husband was killed, I felt an overwhelming sense of isolation, anxiety, anger. As I made my way through my daily and weekly routines, I felt weighed down by something I really couldn’t put my finger on it. Then I heard about Thanatology Café and decided to give it a try even though I was never one to sit and share in a discussion group. Now I am amazed by how much I look forward to the monthly two-hour gathering and to the occasional “extraordinary” session when I can sit in a room with others who truly understand are want to hear about what I am going through. We wounded healers have met have become so special to each other and share such strength and support. I don’t feel so alone because I realize others suffer, too, but differently. In this room with our facilitator and my companions, I have the courage to face life and death, to talk about it, to heal, and to laugh again.” [Anonymous]


The quote above describes a very common sentiment, one that you may be experiencing when thinking about joining the Thanatology Café group. The death of someone close to you suddenly and violently changes your life. You are faced with a multitude of emotions all at once, with unpleasant experiences, hard decisions, and unexpected changes that need to be confronted and managed; the unthinkable has to be assimilated into what was once a normal life but is now a life changed forever.

To read, print or download my complete essay, click this link A discussion group_who needs it_handout.

Thanatology Café Rev. Ch. Harold Principal Facilitator

Thanatology Café
Rev. Ch. Harold
Principal Facilitator

Thanatology Café: Where Presence and Empathy Meet Death.

Church and clergy have fallen flat on their faces when it comes to supporting the bereaved in their difficult moments of loss.  Whether it’s ego or complaisance, pastors are failing their flocks! Scripted, cookie-cutter rituals and services, bland remarks, formulaic prayers all serve to leave the bereaved high-and-dry at a time when they need empathy and presence. A new opportunity for bereavement ministry is being offered in a unique program called Thanatology Café.

Thanatology Café: Where the conversation is about death, is being launched in Ravena, at the RCS Community library, 95 Main Street, Ravena, New York.

Be sure to mark the date: Saturday, April 9, 2016, 2-4 p.m. The program starts promptly at 2:00 p.m. so don’t be late. There will be light refreshments.

The organizers do ask that you sign up at the RCS Community Library using the sign-up sheets available there. You can also sign up at thanatology.cafe@gmail.com. When you sign up via email, you’ll receive an initial registration form that you should fill out and bring with you to the program on April 9.

What is Thanatology Café?

We thought you’d never ask!

joke's over


Thanatology: [than-uh-tol-uh-jee] the study of death and dying, and bereavement, especially the study of ways to understand the coping mechanisms, meaning-making, transcendence and transformation to support the bereaved and mourners, and to lessen suffering and address the needs of the dying and their survivors.


It’s a  totally unique program and it’s called

Thanatology Café.

It’s a place where anyone can come in and talk about their thoughts, concerns, and interests centering on death and dying, bereavement, grief, society and death, spirituality and death, the death industry, our responsibilities as human beings who will die some day.

Thanatology Café is a safe place to talk about the ultimate mystery and to share thoughts and concerns about death and dying. It’s a place where you won’t be judged, no agenda will try to convert you or attempt to sell you something. It’s neutral ground, a sacred space where you can open your heart and mind to benefit everyone.

Thanatology Café will also be a source of valuable information from professionals who work in the field of death and dying. The program will include speakers, presenters, or even a film for discussion. But most of the time it will simply be a place to freely express ideas and thoughts, to share with the entire group or in smaller groups working off their own energies, monitored by a facilitator.

Thanatology Café is going to be offered in at least four counties: Albany, Schenectady, Rensselaer, Greene to start. Since community libraries are centers for education and information and are central to most communities, the organizers will be holding the regular monthly sessions in community libraries throughout the area. There will also be other sessions for special interests or to organize special events like tours etc. to historic sites. One such site is Oakwood Cemetery in Troy, where Uncle Sam is buried along with a slew of other historic figures. But the crematorium chapel is a must see and TC is working on a tour for sometime in May or June 2016.

Thanatology Café is an important resource for first responders, church bereavement groups, bereavement ministries, and even funeral directors (TC will host several presentations by funeral directors with Q&A sessions).

Thanatology Café is for everyone and the invitation is open to anyone who needs or wants to talk about death, dying, grief, mourning, spirituality, traditions and superstitions, the funeral business. The field and conversation is wide open. Only the participants will decide.

Click the link to visit the Thanatology Café blog.

Don't be one. Join us at Thanatology Café on April 9th, RCS Community Library. The Editor

Don’t be one. Join us at Thanatology Café on April 9th, RCS Community Library.

The Editor

Funeral Homes and Funeral Directors Need to Provide for Spiritual Care

It’s a recognized fact, one that’s been the subject of scientific research and innumerable articles in the professional journals for more than 20 years! That fact is that healthcare and deathcare providers must get with the program and provide holistic services to their clients, and that holistic care must include spiritual care. It’s a recognized fact today that no care, whether of the living or the dead (which is actually care of the living, the survivors), is complete without caring for mind, body and spirit. So why do so many providers chaff at the bit when we offer them the opportunity to provide a complete care package to their consumers?

It’s only natural, almost excusable, that many funeral directors, who have to face death and grieving on a daily basis, become a bit remote from their clients’ experience of the death of a loved one, an unique and transformational experience. That’s why we very strongly recommend spiritual care also for the funeral home staff; they have to reconnect with their human experiences, they have to work through their own experiences of grief, even the grief of others. They, too, are affected, even if they are not consciously aware of it.

Funeral Homes and their Directors Must Get With the Program!

caring for mind body and spirity

Current Awareness and Continuing Education

Current awareness is part of any professional’s ongoing education. That’s why I subscribe to a number of thanatopraxis (the practice of death care; mortuary science and practice) information sources like Connecting Directors, FuneralOne and NFDA, and a number of death, dying, bereavement, grief blog sites such as MaryMac and Everplans; I participate in several continuing education courses and events each year at the NCDE (National Center for Death Education Center) at Mt Ida College and HealthCare Chaplaincy Network and ; I am a member of ADEC (Association for Death Education and Counseling),   and am preparing for fellow certification in death education and counseling, and I share the wealth of knowledge and information I acquire through my blogs, Spirituality, Bereavement & Griefcare, Pastoral Care, and Homiletics and Spiritual Care, where I publish many of my funeral and memorial homilies.

Thanatology Café Events

I’m currently canvassing venues like public libraries, social and benevolent organizations, even churches to host my Thanatology Café events, regular gatherings, where people can hear about and talk about death and death–related subjects, with the collaboration of local funeral homes and funeral directors. This is atwitter grief mourning unique opportunity to learn about death planning, dying, the dying process, death, and after-death care and disposition of the remains. My planned Thanatology Café events will be eye- and mind-opening experiences for everyone involved. Please stay tuned for announcements on my blogs, Facebook and LinkedIn. Find me and my tweets on Twitter at @chaplainharold.

Why all of this in addition to my bereavement chaplaincy practice? Because I, like you, appreciate the fact that death care is really care of the living, and I want to persuade funeral services providers, funeral homes, and funeral directors and their staffs that while they are operating a business, they are practicing an important ministry both the the dead and to the living. It is a tragic and avoidable development in many funeral homes that their goal is to attract as many families as possible in their most difficult moments, to get as many bodies as possible, to move them out the door as fast as possible, to dispose of them as quickly as possible. They manage to do this by appealing to the idolatry of money—we can make grandpa disappear cheaper than the competition. And our death-denying, self-centered culture just eats all of this up. What they don’t understand is the incredible damage they, both the body-disposal services and their customers, are causing to the memory of the deceased, his or her meaning and legacy to the living, to the bereaved in terms of their spirituality and growth, and to the culture and society at large. We need to think outside of the box, people, and return to being human, beings created in the image of the divine. Not just some rubbish that has to be collected and disposed of as neatly and quickly as possible!

griefcareThis past week I spent some time visiting funeral home sites in the Albany, Schenectady, Rensselaer, Greene counties to survey their coverage of spiritual care. As you might guess, the coverage was very poor. While most sites had a Resources page, that page included almost exclusively restaurants and florists, some included hotels and other accommodations. About 5 % even hinted at spirituality or pastoral care services on the site, even fewer referred to spiritual services on the Resources page. This is a serious failure in terms of providing complete service to the bereaved; it’s an ominous development in the death care industry. But it can be fixed.

I have spent years of formal study and have been awarded several degrees, I regularly attend courses and continuing education events to remain on top of the field and as up to date as possible, I subscribe to numerous funeral industry and death, dying, bereavement, grief resources for current awareness, information, and much more. I surf and read funeral home websites to keep abreast of how current they are and what they are doing.

The end result of all of this effort is so that I can provide personalized, specialist interfaith and humanistic chaplaincy services to participating funeral homes and their families in the S.A.R.G. region (Schenectady, Albany, Rensselaer, Green counties in New York state; BTW, did you know Sarg is German for coffin?). I offer those services to funeral homes, hospitals, nursing homes because it’s a recognized essential service to those confronted with spiritual and existential crisis, like the dying and the bereaved.

Part of the problem is with the families themselves

But, regrettably, too many funeral homes, hospitals, nursing homes are either slow learners or just indifferent to the holistic care of their clients. Why is that? We seriously have to ask. Part of the problem is with the families themselves: They simply don’t ask the right question. They should be asking: What can you provide me in terms of spiritual care to get me through this spiritually, emotionally, in terms of how I can use this experience for growth? Yes, that’s quite a mouthful, but that’s why I’m providing the words.

griefcare-finalIn the past, I’ve offered funeral homes or funeral home groups this service through my mailings and many of them have accepted my offerings. But I’d like to invite you to take one further step: I’d like to see you, my readers, do your part to ensure that our funeral homes and funeral directors are aware of the need to provide spiritual care to the bereaved in the context of providing post-mortem services. I’d like you, my readers, including funeral home operators, funeral directors, and families to be the the leaders in listing on your Resources page sources of spiritual care to the bereaved before the death, during the dying process, at the time of death, and during the final rites for the dead. I’d like to encourage families both at the time of making pre-arrangements as well as when making urgent arrangements, to ask about what the funeral home provides in terms of spiritual care and personalized funeral and memorial services.

Spiritual care is an important aspect of care in the funeral arrangement package!

If you’re familiar with the research and publications over the past two decades, you’ll know that spiritual care is an important aspect of care in the funeral professions. So why are funeral homes and funeral directors so slow to react to this reality? The likely answer is this: Because they can! I’d like also to challenge funeral homes and funeral directors to take the necessary steps to explore spiritual care resources and providers in their service areas, and to make those resources available to their families. Listing those resources and services on your funeral home’s Resources page, and noting that your funeral home has an on-call chaplain is a valuable opportunity for your funeral home to confidently inform your families that you offer a complete spectrum of services with a trained, expert, on–call chaplain. Read the trade literature if you have any doubts about this fact.

Rev. Art Lillicropp performs a Blessing of the Hands Ceremony for Kaiser nurses, Thursday, May 9, 2013.

I’m attaching an example of an entry for your Resources page, and hope that you’ll agree to post it on your site. In return, you’ll be providing access to on-call pastoral and spiritual care for your families (arranged through your funeral home), and you’ll be adding an important and much appreciated service to your program.

Of course, I at all times extend the invitation to funeral homes and funeral directors to contact me if they want further information or if they’d like to meet face–to–face to discuss a collaboration, or if they’d like to have a chaplain present at the arrangements conference with the family. They or the family can contact me either by email or by telephone. I am always very happy to meet with the funeral home or with families to discuss how we can best work together to provide the bereaved and their families and friends with this essential service.

Once again, thank you so very much for taking the time to read my material. I hope you find my observations informed and useful. In the meantime, I’ll look forward to hearing from you when you leave a comment on this post.

Chaplain Harold

If you are a funeral home or funeral director and would like to have some sample texts for placement on your website Resources page, please click this link:
Resource Page Texts for Download or Copying.

Funeral Directors and Arrangers Need to Collaborate with the Chaplain!

Whether a family is pre–planning their funeral arrangements or the death is sudden and arrangements have to be made on–the-fly, or if death is imminent and the family needs to make arrangements with a funeral director, it is essential that the subject of grief support and spiritual or pastoral care be discussed and included in the conversation. Not to do so deprives everyone concerned of important healing and growth opportunities, including for funeral home staff.

NoMoreCookie-Cutter Funerals

But what do you do if your funeral director doesn’t provide or offer the services of a bereavement chaplain?

Clearly I believe that the effective funeral service should serve the bereaved in their wholeness, that is, the funeral service should provide a venue for farewells, for community support, for memorializing, for setting the stage for grief and healing. Regrettably, too many funeral service providers are deaf, dumb, and blind to the important opportunity that they offer and should be providing to the bereaved for holistic healing. After all, isn’t that the fundamental purpose of the profession; compassionate presence?

Why are so many funeral directors oblivious to the bereaved’s spiritual needs?

Why are so many funeral directors oblivious to the bereaved's spiritual needs?

Why has funeral direction been allowed to degenerate into a mere body disposal service? From an authentic ministry to a removal service? Well, it hasn’t really — yet. Not only has our culture degraded the intrinsic and inherent value of the human being to be a means to an end, this culture has devolved into one that deprives the individual of some of the most important experiences of transformation and growth, it has even gone further than that by devaluing the important role of grief and grief spirituality in bereavement and in the great mysteries of life, dying and death. In other words, it has dehumanized the human element of true living, gentle dying, good death, grief, meaning – making and healing. It has left most of those experiencing the loss of a loved one in a sterile wasteland, devalued, defiled by superficiality and commercialization. Let’s take the example of the so – called direct cremation or direct burial; it’s an inhuman abomination. The dead are treated like so much household waste simply to be carted away and disposed of by burning or burying. The deceased is simply picked up, carted away, disposed of. What does that say about reverence for the person that was? About his or her meaning and legacy? What does that say about the survivors’ character, humanity, self – esteem, expectations of healing and growth? The obvious answer to all of these questions: Not much!.

Cremation-vs-Burial

What does it say about the funeral service industry? What it says is that it has reached in many instances the level of the municipal waste disposal companies: “We’ll remove your garbage neatly and cleanly for a price.”. How far can this tragic development progress? Well, all we have to do is trace the development of the funeral rite just over the past couple of hundred years.

Before 1876 Cremation Was Unheard of In the United States

Before about the mid – 19th century, almost everyone in the West was buried; interment in the earth was the norm. Cremation was practically unkown except in the Orient and in times of plague and epidemic in the West. Then, in the late 19th century, in the United States around 1876 with the first public cremation in the United States with the incineration of Baron DePalm, was being done because it was “more sanitary.” Later, in the early 20th century, cremation was touted as being more environmentally friendly and saved land for the living—that is, for the corporations and developers, as it happened. Then, later, cremations generally followed the conventional wake / vigil, religious or spiritual service, then the cremation in lieu of interment of the body.

Human remains after a cremation cool down at Mount Auburn Cemetary February 21, 2002 in Watertown, MA. The cemetary has been performing cremations for 100 years and does about 900 per year.

This is what grandma looks like when she leaves the cremation retort, the cremation chamber.

And since the late 1960’s early 1970’s the Roman Catholic Church and the Orthodox Catholic Church as well as Reform Judaism allow cremation in the USA, although it’s not ‘encouraged.’Today, funeral service providers offer removal of the dead and direct transportation to the crematorium with nothing in between. If there’s even a memorial service, that comes later. But to be fair, I have officiated at some very beautiful services that followed a direct cremation and also included a touching graveside service when the cremated remains were interred in the ground. But the point I’d like to make clear is that we’re losing touch with a very important part of living, of growth, and we have reached the point where we have to seriously reconsider what we have become and are becoming.

If Direct Cremation is Repugnant, Think About Liquid Cremation—Body Dissolving…

That’s not the worst of it. Some companies are now promoting what is called “resomation” or “liquid cremation”. Liquid cremation is a bit of a misleading name for this process because there’s no fire involved at all. What happens in this disposal method is that the body is placed in a chamber and exposed to a heated caustic chemical solution and over a period of several hours is literally dissolved and drained away. Nice, right. Sort of like put grandpa in the tub, fill it with some hot water add some Draino, wait a while, pull the plug and Grandpa goes gurgling down the drain. Real nice. How really bad can it get?

Danville-based Bio-Response Solutions makes this device to dispose of human remains with chemicals and high-temperatures as an alternative to flame cremation.

The image above shows a liquid cremation or resomation chamber. Danville-based Bio-Response Solutions makes this device to dispose of human remains with chemicals and high-temperatures as an alternative to flame cremation.

If I have made the impression that I am not 100 % in favor of direct cremation or direct burial, I need to clarify. There are situations in which direct disposal is not 110 % bad, in my opinion. If the family and friends are largely in geographical proximity to the death, and have had the opportunity to say goodbye, and the death occurs, direct cremation may be a solution, provided that a memorial or funeral service is held later. There are very good reasons for my saying this but they’re too involved to include here.

Just Take IT and Bury IT — So-called “Direct Burial”

Direct burial is a bit more problematic. Carting a body off directly to the cemetery to be buried deprives everyone of the opportunity for closure, unless, of course, the family and friends were able to accompany the deceased through the dying process and were able to say their goodbyes. Again, a memorial service should follow a direct burial for many of the same reasons that can be given for direct cremation.

Again, closure, taking care of the unfinished business, receiving the support of the community, validation of one’s grief and loss, celebration of a life lived, and meaning – making, healing and transformation are swept to the wayside without a proper funeral service that includes a spiritual element.

That’s why I feel it’s important for us all to be on board when assisting the bereaved and each other in all phases of the rite of passage we call death, a rite of passage for the deceased as well as for the bereaved.

Funeral professionals like any other profession cannot afford to think simplistically about what they do. Neither should they oversimplify what is a very complex part of life, dying and death. Certainly, there’s the business of death, the science of death, and the spirituality of death, each with its unique and special requirements, requisites, and responsibilities to those we serve. The question is, are we equipped to meet the challenge, or are our service providers simply doing as little as possible and just going through the motions absolutely necessary to satisfy a customer?

To deny the bereaved the spiritual growth aspect and the meaning – making aspect of the loss of a loved one is shortchanging them. Not to proactively offer the spiritual and pastoral care services of a professional bereavement chaplain is shortchanging the bereaved. Not to conscientiously promote and proactively offer the spiritual component of the funeral or memorial service is failure to provide a complete package, and to have failed in providing a holistic service.

think outside the coffin

The work starts with the pre–planning meeting, where not only the preliminary logistics but also the mode of disposition of the mortal remains is discussed along with other funeral home services but the subject of spiritual and pastoral care, the subject of grief and mourning, the availability of a professional bereavement chaplain, competent, qualified, with interfaith credentials should be emphasized as an integral component of the death rites.

Part of our work, our ministry, is educating the bereaved as to what is grief, how spirituality helps to inaugurate a healthy grieving process, how spirituality and a funeral liturgy assists in the necessary process of healing and meaning – making, realizing growth and transformation that must follow a loss.

Even when death occurs suddenly, traumatically, unexpectedly or when death is anticipated or even planned the family may be completely unprepared for the reality of the death and its rituals, and appear at the funeral home confused, dazed, stressed out to make urgent funeral arrangements. In chaplaincy and pastoral care, Yes! in grief facilitation the axiom is: “Don’t make any big decisions in the first year after the loss.” But what’s a funeral? Isn’t that a major life decision? It’s a one-time performance, my friends. It can’t be repeated so we’d better get it right the first time because it’s a lasting impression—good or bad— and like it or not, this is the big exception to our rule of thumb, simply because it’s so unavoidable.

bereavement support

Even when a family comes in to make arrangements for an expected death, wouldn’t it be a meaningful act of compassion and empathy if the funeral director were to say, “We have a professional chaplain on call here. Would you like to have him come by the hospital to be with you and the family when life support is withdrawn? It may help a lot.” The dividends paid on that modest honorarium (usually $100 – $ 150 for the entire process of accompanying thru the dying process) are incredible. And it will most likely be the same chaplain, already familiar with the family, who would do the vigil, the memorial, the funeral service. How good does it get?

Here’s a real–life example, in which I’d like to share an Aha! moment with you that I experienced just recently, thanks to an extraordinarily astute and compassionate funeral director, with whom I work on a regular basis:

I received call from this well–known funeral home to book a memorial service for a case that was still in hospital but in which life support was to be removed. While making arrangements in advance and somewhere in the conversation the subject of pastoral care or spirituality during the dying process must have come up because the actual call I initially received from the funeral home was to ask if I would attend the family at the hospital before, during, and after the withdrawal from life support protocol was implemented, that is, to be present and to accompany the patient and the family through the dying process and death experience. The family was a rather eclectic blend of faith traditions but obviously felt that a spiritual presence was important, and the funeral director picked up the signals.

The take–home point here is that the funeral director serving this family was listening and identified a need; he seized the moment and extended the hand of compassion.

funeral_celebrantI accepted the case and was present for the family during their most difficult moments of decision–making and witnessing, and later to celebrate their loved one’s life and meaning during my funeral service; it was a truly special experience for everyone involved. (It should be noted that hospital pastoral care associates [a.k.a. chaplain interns, trainees, volunteers] and most hospital chaplains would not be up to a task of this complexity; hospital rules would likely prevent them from engaging with the family with the required intimacy and in – depth dialogue. Most clergy lack the specialized training, which is why their services are such disappointing, cookie–cutter parodies of authentic chaplaincy.)

Needless to say, I was greatly impressed by the funeral director’s approach to the situation — and the family was incredibly grateful —, and I would urge all funeral professionals to keep such acts of compassion in mind when assisting a family in making arrangements.

Put yourself in that scenario and think of what it would mean to you, to your family. It’s a privileged, precious moment for everyone, and very satisfying for the funeral director to be able to do that.

lilly_small

An essential asset to the mortuary services provider and to the consumer

New Article

Unity SymboldThe professional interfaith bereavement chaplain: an essential asset to the mortuary services provider and to the consumer

A straight – from – the – hip discussion of the state of affairs, solutions and recommendations by an experienced provider of professional interfaith bereavement services.

Abstract. This article presents an uncosmetized impression of the deterioration in quality of death services, and based on firsthand observations makes practical recommendations for improving the services provided to and requested by the bereaved and supportive of mourners. This article makes recommendations to the consumer as well as to the mortuary services provider, that include among other things: sensitivity to the spiritual needs of the mourner, addressing those needs with appropriate sensitivity, providing for those needs through the services of a competent professional bereavement chaplain. This article highlights not only the human-spirit aspects of dignified and personalized funeral and memorial services but also points out the considerable economies to be realized by both the consumer and the service provider by enlisting the support of an on – call professional interfaith bereavement chaplain. With the holistic interdisciplinary team approach advocated in this article, the insidious deterioration in care and support services can be deterred if not prevented by the mortuary services provider partnered with the on – call professional interfaith bereavement chaplain, and the necessary grief work, healing and transformation effectively nurtured.

While this article focuses in specific terms on providers and consumers of mortuary services, its principles and applications, and recommendations can be extended and generalized to any of the helping professions.

While this article attempts to address a number of points, which are high in priority to both the consumer and service provider, many points must necessarily remain unmentioned. With that in mind, we do encourage feedback and comment from our readers, and we invite you to provide your thoughts either by private e – mail to compassionate.care.associates@gmail.com or by using the comment feature on this blog.


Keywords: Funeral, memorial, mortuary services, funeral director, funeral home, grief, mourning, chaplain, pastoral care, spiritual care, officiant, helping profession


“Death is psychologically as important as birth. Shrinking away from it is both unhealthy and abnormal … because it robs the second half of life of its meaning and purpose.”
Ernest Becker

CONCLUSION

The professional interfaith bereavement chaplain is an important but frequently overlooked professional support person available to the funeral home as well as to mourners. As a professional member of the funeral home team the on-call or p.r.n. chaplain assumes the responsibility for the funeral and memorial service design, organization, coordination, execution, and follow-up, freeing the funeral home staff to concern itself with other important matters. As a highly trained, empathetic, authentic, facilitator and support person, the professional interfaith chaplain provides essential and necessary support to the bereaved and mourners, and forms a de facto therapeutic alliance with them, facilitating the grief work necessary to the healing and transformation process.

The on-call or p.r.n. chaplain virtually eliminates personnel, equipment and logistics overheads

On the more mundane side, the professional interfaith bereavement chaplain represents a cost-saving model for both the mortuary services provider and for the consumer of mortuary services. The on-call or p.r.n. chaplain virtually eliminates personnel, equipment and logistics overheads by being available for effective liturgical, spiritual, religious or humanistic services on site at the funeral home or mortuary services facility, practically eliminating the need for organizing and coordinating resources for complicated and costly movements of staff, equipment, remains, and mourners. The funeral liturgical service, the memorial service or other rites are done right at the funeral home. The chaplain processes then with the cortège directly to the cemetery or crematorium for the graveside, cremation, or columbarium rites.

The Funeral Home Staff Should Bear In Mind The Importance Of Spiritual And Religious Or Pastoral Care Support

In the context of the 21st century death and bereavement culture, the professional interfaith chaplain plays an enormously important role both to the funeral home or mortuary services provider and to the bereaved and mourners. Wherever possible, the funeral home staff should bear in mind the importance of spiritual and religious or pastoral care support to the bereaved and should impress the importance of such support to families when making funeral arrangements. Even if the bereaved do not list a religious or faith preference, even if they do not belong to or actively participate with a faith or belief community, they may have a significant religious commitment without even realizing it, and will benefit from the meaning-making and closure effects of a well-designed funeral or memorial service. It would be a disservice if funeral home staff and mortuary service providers were to ignore this important element of mortuary services.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Empirical observation supports the medical, psychiatric, psychological, pastoral care literature and the growing consensus that spiritual care, whether religious or non – religious, plays a significant role in the health and well-being of all sufferers, including the bereaved. Spiritual care supports the mourner in myriad ways both in the acute grief period into the grief work and mourning stages and well beyond. Spiritual care as offered by the professional interfaith bereavement chaplain represents a significant added value to the funeral home’s product offerings and further represents substantial tangible and intangible benefits to the insightful funeral services manager and his or her establishment.

Corresponding author
Chaplain Harold W. Vadney BA, [MA], MDiv
Interfaith Bereavement Chaplain
P.O. 422
New Baltimore, New York 12124 – 0422
e-Mail: compassionate.care.associates@gmail.com

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