Category Archives: Prayer Rope

Rediscovering Spirituality. With or without religion.

Some General Information About
The Companions of St Silouan Athonite

First of all and from the outset: This is not a religious group nor a denominational outreach. It is not a cult-in-the-making.


One nagging question that I have frequently posed is this: Why do most people think of spiritual care at the last minute, when someone is at Death’s door or when you are facing the dying process of a loved one? It’s like exercising and eating a healthy diet after the heart attack, isn’t it? Why not get started now.


This is an ecumenical, interfaith, non-denominations, judgement-free community of persons who are solely interested in companioning each other on their spiritual pilgrimages.

The inspiration for forming a wider group of spiritual companions came from my association with a Russian Orthodox Monastery in Northeast New York. The monks decided to resurrect a concept of a group of lay persons who would live some of the monastic values while in the secular world. These so-called companions of the monastery would apply, be considered as aspirants and then admitted to the so-called companions. They would subscribe to a rule of life, establish for themselves a prayer discipline, support the monastery in time and treasure, and make regular pilgrimages, either to the parent monastery or to some other monastery or retreat venue. It was a great idea but poorly organized. It was open to all faiths and, while it had an insignia identifying the companions, a small stylized cross, it still had the flavor of a very distinct Christian denomination. I couldn’t imagine a Buddhist, a Jew or a Moslem wanting to become a companion and having a cross as their insignia.

My patron saint is St Silouan of Mount Athos, St Silouan Athonite for short. I chose Silouan because of his humility and simplicity, his dedication to love and forgiveness, his compassion. Although Silouan was highly advanced in monastic ascetic spirituality and reached the height of monastic hierarchy as a Staretz or elder, a schemamonk, his humility and simplicity were legendary. Silouan, a Russian Orthodox Christian elder monk, who lived on the exclusive Greek peninsula known as Hagios Oros, the “Holy Mountain”, or Mount Athos, he lived values that transcended the Christian model and are the common threads of all the great world spiritual traditions.

As a professional theologian and thanatologist, a scholar of religion and psychospiritual care, I find that the vast majority of persons who call themselves members of a particular faith or belief community don’t have a clue about what their denomination teaches. Most ministers have no clue about what’s going on in interreligious dialogue, much less about their particulars. Most institutionalized religion has been caught with their pants around their ankles when it comes to credibility.

In recent decades we have all too often heard the ambiguous and practically meaningless phrase, “I’m spiritual, not religious.” Even the “spiritual” professional literature from the healthcare, deathcare and spiritual care disciplines can’t even agree on an across-the-board commonly held definition of what spirituality is! In fact, one publication did a review of the literature and found more than 90 different “definitions” of  spirituality!

In my professional practice I deal with end-of-life, death, dying, and survivors. I know the value of religion and I know the value of spirituality; I think I know where the one stops and where the other starts. Every time I think I’m sure, a situation arises that sets me back to square one.

One thing is certain: every human being is spiritual. There’s no doubt about it. Once you can admit you recognize that there’s something greater than yourself, that transcends your understanding, you have become spiritual. Now how you use that evolutionary revelation to best advantage and how you ease into it to make meaning of difficult moments, suffering, challenges is another story. To get the most out of your spirituality, you need companioning, guidance, others willing to talk about their spirituality and to share their insights.

That’s what this group, the Companions of St Silouan Athonite, is all about.

It’s an open group meaning that anyone inclined to explore the group can freely do so. What you receive from the group and what you give to the group is purely a matter of what you have at any given time in your journey. The pilgrimmage is self-paced. The requirements are your own.

The only formal hierarchy is me, the self-styled “Principal Companion,” actually the monitor of the group and the main person doing most of the work on this site.

In the near future, once the group shows signs of stability and growth, I will offer two levels of formal membership: Aspirant and Companion. The Aspirant is a candidate who has identified a sincere calling to companion others in developing their spirituality. The Companion is the person who has achieved a certain level of competence in companioning through personal discipline and involvement.

Initially, there is no commitment other than the personal commitment you make to yourself and to those with whom you have a relationship to follow the Simple Rule of the Companions of St Silouan Athonite. As the Companion community matures, we may ask for volunteer support or offer specific products for generating funds. Those products will be subject to the Community’s approval, basically all full Companions will have a say in what is offered and what is done.

At some point in time, again as the Community grows and matures, it would be great if we could have a Companions retreat once a year at locations offering retreat accommodations and meeting facilities.

The organization will be very loosely structured: Most of the site will be public access. That means that announcements, reflections, etc. will be public access.

Anyone interested in more intense involvement will be asked to “Follow” the site by signing up with their real name and their email. This means only that the moderator, I, will see who you are and know our email. You will receive an email automatically notifying you whenever a new item is posted. You can do the same for comments.

At some time in the near future, I will post an application form on this site. If anyone wishes to become an Aspirant they will fill out the form and email it to me.

To become a full Companion, you will fill out the same form but only after 6 months of Aspirancy, include an essay about your spirituality and the importance of being a Companion, and you will document your spiritual activities, retreats, spiritual direction, etc.

A full Companion will receive a letter of good standing and a Certificate of Companionship, both of which will have only sentimental value.

Very soon I will create a suitable “habit” for Companions. The habit will be a small item identifying the wearer as a Companion. It will likely be a lapel pin or similar item. Cost will be kept low, since the value of the habit is to be kept intrinsic and the habit itself is to be kept very humble.

Since most everything will be done digitally and the material for reflections etc. will come directly from my own resources or from material I’m reviewing at the time and find suitable for the Companions, no real overheads will be generated. As for the habit, the Companion will purchase that directly from the manufacturer.

I may from time to time suggest certain devotional items such as prayer ropes and the like or items to enhance sensual aspects of the spiritual practice. If I do so, I will also provide links to suppliers of such items. I do not have any financial interest in any of these suppliers but if one were to come about, I would announce that fact publicly to the Community.

Aspirants and Companions are accountable to themselves. If you misrepresent something you do your conscience is your judge, no one else.

Finally, all I ask is if you are seriously interested in becoming a participating member of the group that you contribute to the reflections or to the feedback about reflections. The only requirements are that you remain on topic, leave egos outside, and don’t bring any personal baggage on board. No proselytizing and not judgmentalism.

In closing, I do sincerely welcome your comments, recommendations, suggestions, even criticisms of me and only me. Comments should be made using the comments form on each post; they will be moderated and then published. If you don’t want what you write to be public please email me your thoughts to st.silouan.companions@gmail.com. Your email communications will be confidential and I now notify anyone concerned that I invoke clergy privilege should any law enforcement agency request insight into the emails. When I say confidential, I mean confidential.

As always, I am available at st.silouan.companions@gmail.com should you have any questions or concerns.

To view the Simple Rule of the Companions of St Silouan click here.

Looking forward to exploring the beauty and mystery of spirituality with you,

Peace and joy!
Rev. Ch. Harold Vadney BA, [MA], MDiv.
Principal Companion

Advertisements

The Value of Memorial Tokens

The whole idea of funeralization is among other things, to establish and continue our bonds with our dead, and we do this in any number of healthy and not so healthy, sensible and not so sensible ways.

In the shorter term, we memorialize our dead in the funeralization and memorialization process. We have a funeral which is usually accompanied by some sort of spiritual or religious ritual, or a memorial service. Much of this is ritual and ceremony, and accompanied by traditional appurtenances, trappings, paraphernalia  like religious symbols, caskets, story boards, etc. But the most irrational and wasteful of any of our traditional funeral practices is the tradition of flowers and flower arrangements. True, these can be very elaborate, very beautiful, very distracting, and very, very expensive.

Outrageous Expense. And wasteful!

Sending flowers is making a statement: It can be interpreted as a statement of love, respect, wish-I-were-there. In an environment which, in most cultures, leaves little to the spoken word, relatives may express themselves with a flower arrangement; Say it with flowers. It’s a lovely tradition but unspeakably wasteful.

This thought was driven home recently when, as officiant at a large funeral for a beloved matriarch, I rode just behind the flower cars. The weather was brutally cold and the wind icey.  As I reflected on the cemetery ritual and the thought of the wind, cold, and freezing mourners, I found myself musing on the plight of those dozens of floral arrangements, so colorful, gorgeous, expensive, and very frozen in just minutes while waiting for the casket to be brought out. How many thousands of dollars on those two open-bed cars? Wasted! Frozen! Why?

While I am a very fervent supporter of the traditional funeral with all of its ritual, ceremony, trappings, the single aspect of the traditional funeral that I do find somewhat objectionable is the tradition of the funerary floral arrangement. These tend to be gorgeous arrays of blooms costing hundreds of dollars.  I object not only because of the cost and the waste involved but also because they tend to distract from the reason we are doing the vigil, wake or funeral. How many times to I see people coming into the viewing parlor and going straight to the flowers to find “theirs” or to compare arrangements.  Or the disappointment or outrage when “theirs” hasn’t yet been delivered.  I frequently do approve of the “in lieu of flowers” notations in some obituaries, and often hope that the “in lieu of flowers” isn’t simply a dispensation from parting with a couple of bucks and sending nothing. That is, I fear, what generally happens: “Well, if I can’t be noticed or recognized at the event, I’m not sending XYZ charity anything, after all, the money never gets to the people it should.” Sound familiar?

I find one single arrangement, sensibly modest, from the immediate family, to be the most tasteful expression, whatever it’s supposed to express. It should not be a morbid affair nor gaudy; it should be tasteful and evoke a  visual pleasure, dulling the sense of suffering. It can later be used as a centerpiece with a framed photo of deceased the at the mercy meal or reception following the funeral or memorial service, or it can be donated, or simply taken home and enjoyed.

But once the physical body has been disposed of, there’s little else but personal possessions and pictures to remind us of the deceased, and even these are too inconvenient to have with one’s self in our daily routine.

Over the years, I have developed my own traditions for the family and significant others of the deceased. I feel that something made by me that can serve as a memorial token, and can be held, carried in a pocket, worn, is the best way to go.

In my bereavement chaplaincy practice I sometimes fashion 10 or 15 lapel pins with ribbon, using a color that reminds one of the deceased. A particularly appreciated token is the Order of Service program featuring not only the service order but also a picture of the deceased and some special words in memory of the deceased, perhaps even written by the deceased. None of these cost more than a couple of dollars to produce, and are received with joy and appreciation by the family. The token can be as simple as a pretty little pebble, bags of which can be purchased at any crafts store, engraved or painted with an name or distinctive mark.

Inexpensive polished peblles. Can be handed out to mourners, kept or placed on the casket before burial.

When in a pinch, I also rely on tasteful, prefab memorial tokens. Some of my personal favorites are available from Mourning Cross.

Examples of Mourning Cross Products

Another token is the meditation rope, which is a bit more time consuming, and cannot be produced in the numbers as in the case of the program or even the lapel pins, but can be very significant in a situation where one mourner is particularly close to the deceased or affected by the loss.

The meditation rope is a short sequence of hand-woven knots, so-called angelic knots, consisting of 33 individual knots, and formed into a closed loop or equipped with a clasp to form a bracelet.

Memorial Rope
Bracelet with Clasp

The meditation rope can be done in one or a combination of colors, depending on the family’s tradition and the color scheme of the funeralization trappings.

While the so-called meditation rope is inspired by the Oriental prayer ropes, most notably the Orthodox Catholic prayer rope used by the Greek and Russian Orthodox when reciting the Jesus Prayer, the meditation rope does not necessarily have to be a “prayer rope,” although the user may wish to pray a particular prayer on each knot .

I call it a meditation knot because the user can use it for prayer, meditation, a particular mantra, or simply to hold in the the hand while remembering the deceased, similar to a memory stone or the like.

Depending on the preferences of the family and their belief or faith tradition, I provide a card with each prayer/meditation rope. The card contains some very short one-breath prayers, a mantra, or a short phrase that can be repeated by the user to restore concentration, relieve anxiety, assist in meditation or in prayer, and generally to soothe and relax the user.

The beauty of the prayer/meditation rope is that it is very unique, small, and can be easily carried in a pocket or even worn on the wrist. It can be religious, spiritual or secular in its meaning. It can center on the survivor or on the deceased. It can be very visible or very concealed. It can be very public or very private. It can be a symbol of how the user grieves, in other words.

For more information on the prayer/meditation rope and its history, you may want to visit The Orthodox Prayer Rope or make your own inquiries about obtaining prayer/meditation ropes from our source at Retreat Master.

If you have any special token ideas, I’d love to hear from you, as I’m sure my readers will as well.

Peace and blessings!

Rev. Ch. Harold